BOOKS


CIRCE by Madeline Miller

Review by Margaret McNiells

When a partygoer and family friend recommended I read Circe by Madeline Miller on Memorial Day weekend, I put the title at the end of a towering list of tomes I plan to read for fun after I finish my MFA. But a random trip to Sag Harbor, NY, and the last available parking space on Main Street, put me face to face with Harbor Books and the stunning cover of Circe. I know we’re not supposed to judge books by their covers but this one drew me in. Before I knew it, I’d purchased the hardcover. I didn’t get to crack it open until after residency, but in this last week, I devoured this book.

     Miller’s prose is gorgeous, lyrical and efficient. Though some of the plot was predictable, I attributed it to how well I knew the protagonist. What captivated my attention the most was Miller’s ability to breathe new life into tales that were first told thousands of years ago, this time through a female point of view. Though I set out to read this book purely for my own enjoyment, there is much to enjoy about Miller’s authorial skill as well.


Margaret McNiells is a current degree candidate at The Mountainview Low Residency MFA in Fiction and Nonfiction.

BOOKS


When the Men Were Gone by Marjorie Herrera Lewis

Review by Daniel Charles Ross

When I first saw the cover of this novel, I immediately remembered one of my favorite movies, "Summer of '42." The movie brilliantly details the adolescent lives and times of two boys too young to go off to WW II, the heartbreak of a young war widow, and how those life streams connect.

     The brilliance of Marjorie's based-on-a-true-story novel is that, like the movie did, it distills the life and times of people facing far-off WW II into a local conflict that they must battle hand to hand. The primary battle is sexism: protagonist Tylene (a real person) is the best choice to be the school's football coach, but the men in the decision chain are skeptical—and her opposing coaches are rudely dismissive.

     We look back through our long lenses to those days and just shake our heads today. But this was another time and place that Majorie has reborn and given life.

     Tylene was a real person in the Texas school football continuum, and her "factional" depiction is fully realized as a caring, football-loving teacher and school supporter who just wants to do the best thing for everyone. She infuses even her skeptical football team with energy and directs them with skill, finally overcoming the last barrier when a teammate's brother, a former school football stand-out now injured, gives his support.

     In the end, they lose the Big Game, but they are victorious in pride and self-worth. 

     This is "Friday Night Lights" crossed with DNA from "Summer of '42." It has a little Sisyphean top-spin, with tasks that are both laborious and futile. The coaching trials compete with Tylene's effort to rescue a former student and football star from the life-eroding effects of his war wounds; with keeping her marriage happy and functioning; and occasionally, with her own self-doubt.

Photo by Shane Bevel

Photo by Shane Bevel

This is a finely tuned, lyrical story that evokes a time long past but mostly fondly remembered, the war years when Americans all pulled together to fight the Hun while mostly ignoring the social battles on the home front because that's what they always did then. The Greatest Generation at war sometimes wasn't so great back home.

     Marjorie's seminal work will one day be taught in high school English Lit classes. Full disclosure: I'm proud to say I shared the Mountainview MFA program with her for a time, but it's clear she paid closer attention than I did. I'm told this story has been optioned for a movie, and that's great news.

     But like one often says, the book is better.  

Five Stars: One for any writer facing the anxiety of a blank page; one for an ignored story uncovered and illuminated well; one for finely drawn characters who come to life on the page and in the reader’s mind; one for a terrific cover; and one because I'm happy to think this is just the start of a wonderful career full of great reading for us all. Strongly, unequivocally recommended.


Daniel Charles Ross—DCR—was a Mountainview MFA student in 2015. The thriller that was to be his thesis, Force No One, comes out in the fall.

What the Lobster Saw

By Amy Jarvis

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The lobsters take pleasure in staring at you with their beady, black eyes. Their claws are taped together with manacles that indicate their weight. With their remaining limbs, the lobsters crawl over each other to get a better look through the murky water of their tank – displayed shrewdly near the front of the restaurant. The lobsters must notice the pressed white button-downs and black pants, the dangling apron ties and no-slip shoes. I often questioned whether or not, despite the gratification they must receive from making people uncomfortable, the lobsters swallowed in fear each time a server walked through the doors of Seaside Lobster to begin their shift.

     I never cared for closing a Friday dinner shift. Even though we earned higher gratuities, leaving the restaurant after midnight, after being run ragged all evening, wasn't something I looked forward to. I swallowed hard when I bypassed the lobster tank, and once again felt guilty about working in a restaurant that slaughtered dinner for its guests by tossing lobsters into a pot of boiling water. After the manager approved my uniform and gave me my section assignment, he asked what I would be selling that night. I rambled off piña colada, stuffed mushrooms, and chocolate cake, along with a slightly ambitious seven hundred dollars in sales.

     Although seven hundred usually happened on a bustling night, I never had the intention of pushing guests to order something they weren’t interested in for the sake of meeting my goal. After checking in with the hostess, I stopped at the beverage station, poured a coffee, and walked into the kitchen. I watched as everyone prepared for what was shaping up to be a hectic summer night.


"The first time I ever witnessed a lobster in the kitchen, I excused myself to the bathroom, locked myself in a stall, sat down next to the toilet, and sobbed. "


Several hours into my shift, I approached a table that had been seated in my section, and noted a middle-aged man sitting across from his two children. The man studied the menu as the boys scribbled on coloring pages the hostess had given them. Broken pieces of crayon were already scattered on the floor, soon to be ground into the carpet. I tried to hide my frustration and greeted them with my usual script: Hello, I’m Beatrice. I’ll be your server. Can I start you with drinks?

     The man asked for three cokes. Then he announced that he wanted to order a live lobster.

      I prepared to find out which weight they wanted: one pound, two, three.

     “Can my kids choose the lobster?” he asked.

     What kind of sick f

     “Sure,” I said.

     I was never able to grab the lobsters with metal tongs from their tank and escort them to their deaths. The first time I ever witnessed a lobster in the kitchen, I excused myself to the bathroom, locked myself in a stall, sat down next to the toilet, and sobbed. After, I pulled the mini-bottle of Jameson I kept in my apron and downed it before I returned to work.

     I didn’t admit my problem with the lobsters to the guests. Instead, I explained that another server would meet them at the tank shortly. Waiting by the tank, I thought, would give this man’s kids a chance to choose what lobster they wanted to boil. As my table headed for the front of the restaurant, I grabbed the nearest server and asked if he could pick up a lobster. I had only been serving for two months; the other server, Julian, had worked there for several years and had probably grown insensitive to the requirement, or at least he could handle it.

      “No problem,” Julian agreed.

     Julian followed the same route my table had taken. I imagined what the lobster saw: guests working through plates of seafood, followed by the humming kitchen; the salad station where servers carelessly tossed dressing onto premade greens; the alley where servers hastily grabbed oversized trays, piled them with plates hot from the warmer; the line where the food was prepared. And finally, the boiling pot, which was kept behind the line, in the back corner of the kitchen. I wondered what the lobster’s last thought would be before being dropped in.

     I returned to clean the table after the guests left, which included bringing the carcass of the lobster back to the dish station and dumping it into the trash can. When I finished, I picked up the check presenter and paused at the POS to find out how much the man had left me. I wondered if the lobster’s life was worth only fifteen percent gratuity.


Amy Jarvis is a graduate of The Mountainview Low-Residency MFA in Fiction and Nonfiction. 

Wire

By Danielle Service

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In the winter of 1995, shortly after I’d graduated college but was living on in the dorms as a Resident Director, I spent one long night on my couch talking to a handsome man who looked and acted just like George Peppard in Breakfast at Tiffany’s – same demeanor and half-smile, same calculated, lilting amusement. He held dramatic pauses in our conversation, carried with ironic and writerly phrasing. He was exactly my type, a friend of a friend, and as the night drew on interspersed with bong hits (ah, 1995) and deep revelations the intimacy grew. You’d think this story ends with a steamy hookup on a winter night in Atlanta but it doesn’t. He asked just one question, very late:

     “Can I hold you?”

     I nodded, and he did as we continued talking. I don’t remember if we kissed. We probably did, but all I remember is the talking.

     I drove to Washington D.C. the next day to visit a friend, then went home for Christmas. When I came back I expected a continuation of sorts but he held a hand up to the endeavor, pled friendship mea culpa – he still had the hots for an ex. I was disappointed, not crushed. We hung in groups together, partied, did Whip-Its by the train tracks, watched The Doors over and over and over. That was then. We drifted. I moved.


"He sent me pictures of his gun collection and told me he wanted to kill himself. He had started writing suicide notes. Wanted to know if I would read one."


Facebook is the best and worst of all social interaction, like Vegas is the best and worst of all of America’s entertainment. The social network drives you back into arms that would otherwise wave in the wind, the way Vegas showcases talent and vice for the taking that, perhaps, should be left untouched by the commoner. Facebook, the opener of doors that are meant to stay closed. Or not. As society hurtles toward the next tier of technological existence who’s to say how our relationships will navigate? There used to be closed endings to almost all of them. Now they are mostly open. It could be the universe’s way to ensure we will all remain connected. But this is hardly the point.

     So Facebook reconnected us twenty years later. I watched him get married, have a baby boy. Get divorced, unravel. We started talking again on a thread about Stephen King’s It, of all the damn things. Then we started writing. Then he told me he was under indictment for felony charges of embezzlement and wire fraud and was looking at serious prison time. He sent me pictures of his gun collection and told me he wanted to kill himself. He had started writing suicide notes. Wanted to know if I would read one.

     I know a lot of people who talk about suicide like the day’s flavor, just by virtue of the circles I run in. Recovered addicts, alcoholics. Sometimes writers, neurotic types prone to depression and empathy and insight. The thing about suicide intention and idealization is that you can’t freak out when someone suggests it and to be honest there’s not a lot you can do if someone’s bent on it. I read once that suicide becomes an option when pain is greater than the available coping mechanisms for it. So one either breaks or looks for an outlet. I’ve learned to listen and hear people out, not act like they’re crazy or that I have to do something to stop them.

     So I read his suicide note and suggested that in prison he would have so much time to write, and that maybe he could be like Denzel Washington in Flight and take responsibility for his actions instead of killing himself, and he could help other people when he got out. That life would be ten thousand times better once he navigated the swamp of this shitshow. That I’d had myriad students who just wanted their parents around regardless of what the parents had done: kids love their parents no matter what, and his son would too. That maybe a cool book idea would be that he write a collection of suicide notes that chronicled the progression of his recovery and journey through prison.

     I have a dear friend who called a suicide hotline in her sophomore year at a prestigious college. She’d been admitted young and was at the end of her rope. The voice on the other end of that hotline answered, then put her on hold, as in “Suicide hotline. Will you please hold?” When she told me that story I howled laughter, slid my back down the wall while I held the phone. “Oh Christ,” I said, when I could speak. “That’s just too damn good.”

     “But it was that that did it for me, girl,” my friend said. “That’s when I realized that deep on some level that no one gave a shit. Well, not that they didn’t give a shit, no – that it was up to me to pull it together and that the world would go on if I didn’t. Her putting me on hold was a slap in the face.”

     That’s the thing. You never know what’s going to do it. I know I’m good at listening, so that’s what I do.

     My other friend and I continued talking, on and off. I left him alone some, reached out at other times. A couple months ago he told me the charges had been pled down to just wire fraud, a year max in white-collar prison. “I decided not to kill myself out of sheer pride,” he said. “What kind of pussy kills himself over a wire fraud charge?”

     “Fair enough,” I wrote. “I’ll come see you on my road trip this summer if I go that way, before the indictment.”

     “Promise me,” he said. “Promise you’ll come visit.”

     I did. I make it a habit to keep promises as part of my recovery, so I went (slightly) out of my way to hit the mid-sized, southern city where he resided. He was not the same as I remembered. Still smart, sharp-tongued, but sweaty, fraught, desperate. Frenetic energy. He told me I looked great, better than my pizza-delivering ‘powder phase’ days. I don’t have many people in my life still who remember me from that time.

     He asked if he could hold me. I nodded. I let him rub my back. We did not kiss. He had another girl coming over at seven.


Danielle Service is a graduate of The Mountainview Low-Residency MFA in Fiction and Nonfiction. She currently teaches seventh grade Language Arts and yoga in New Hampshire. 

Oscar, Walt and Me

By David Simpatico

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A cardboard butterfly. A human cello. A teenage vampire. Three distinctly different images with one thing in common: a thirst for recognition. This is the story of how I lost myself in the Valley of the Giants, and found my way out again with the help of Walt Whitman and Oscar Wilde.

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In 1980, when I was 20, I was featured on the cover of Newsweek Magazine, a mustachioed Northwestern University student-model for a friend’s nationally recognized, student-entrepreneurial cake company. At 22, I was the comic lead in a Porky’s-esque feature film, Screen Test, which has since achieved dubious cult status (perhaps it was my legendary hot tub scene with a naked blonde and a bubbling tsunami of hot dogs?) At 24, I was doing television commercials with legendary director Joe “Where’s the Beef” Sedelmeier. By 32, I was a Franklin Furnace award-winning New York City performance artist, appearing on bills with Penny Arcade, Dael Orlandersmith and other top solo artists. At 45, I was a downtown playwright of not-too small-renown with, finally, a huge commercial, ‘uptown’ hit, the stage adaptation of Disney’s High School Musical. So, at 50, I left the city with my husband, my dog and my computer, to find seclusion, succor and focus in the woods of Dutchess Country. Seclusion, succor and focus. But not recognition. Because recognition doesn’t matter, it’s the writing that counts. At least, that’s what I told myself.

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In 1855, Walt Whitman stepped into fame, and notoriety, with the publication of Leaves of Grass, his groundbreaking book of poetic free verse. His description of a man in the full bloom of life is etched into our memory partly due to the strength and candor of the written text, “…I, now thirty-seven years old in perfect health begin, hoping to cease not till death,” but also largely due to the power of the engraved frontispiece that greets the reader upon opening the book. Rather than use his name as the source of author identification, Walt chose an etching based upon a daguerreotype of himself by photographer Gabriel Harrison.

       Walt changed the world of literary publishing forever with that frontispiece. He was among the first writers to publish his own likeness with his work, literally placing himself, via his image, his identity, in the hands of the reader. The carefully crafted image depicts a strong, handsome, bearded man in his mid-thirties, standing outdoors wearing an open, wide-collared shirt, a worker’s hat raked cockily to the side, with one hand perched casually on his hip and a provocative, direct challenge in his eye: a sexy, poetic Everyman. With that single image, he not only declared himself to the literary world, but also introduced a cult of image-based celebrity that continues to our day.


"From the beginning, my work has received consistently polarized responses: half the people love it, half of them hate it, and the third half are terrified of it. So it goes."


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In 1881, by the age of 27, Oscar Wilde was already a celebrity in London’s social and literary circles. Growing up in an eccentric, creative Dublin home featuring weekly salons of the most dynamic individuals in Ireland, young Oscar quickly developed an outstanding gift of gab, coupled with an overwhelming desire to be famous. His conversational skills were unrivaled from an early age; but it was his hulking physical presence that helped bring him his first brush with fame—and notoriety.

       Oscar made a huge splash at the Grosvenor’s Gallery opening, the social event of the season, spouting his educated opinions on the art exhibitions and drawing the attention of the best of London society, as well as the ink from a few poisoned pens. Standing a solid 6’3”, he dressed the part of an outlandish dandy: silk jacket, puffy satin knee breeches, with musical notes and clefs stitched boldly into the wide-hipped design, giving the distinct appearance of a cello from behind. Oscar was a living work of performance art, a Victorian Leigh Bowery.

 

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Using the platform of the aesthetic movement, Oscar fashioned an identity for himself--languid, brilliant, opinionated, eccentric-- from which he could cast his personality and conversation out into the world. It worked. He was featured on several covers of Punch Magazine, bringing him and his likeness into millions of English homes.

       Oscar was just getting started.

       I feel as if I am always just getting started. Over the course of the last 30 years, my writing career has spanned film, television, video, opera, musical theatre, serious drama, dance and performance art. From the beginning, my work has received consistently polarized responses: half the people love it, half of them hate it, and the third half are terrified of it. So it goes.

       I have an ongoing advance/retreat relationship with success. As soon as I started winning awards in performance art, I stopped performing to focus on writing plays and libretti. After Michael Eisner hired me to write the poetic libretto for Pulitzer Prize winner Aaron Jay Kernis’ millennium choral symphony, Garden of Light, conducted by Kurt Mazur at Lincoln Center, I veered away from the classical world to write an episode of Blues Clues. And then I quit writing altogether, stymied at the fits and starts of my career. After a year of doing computer graphics, I started writing again, scoring a critical success with The Screams of Kitty Genovese, with beautiful and brutal music by UK composer Will Todd, a dark music drama about murder, rape and apathy. After watching a student production in Boston, Robert Brustein, a leading American theatre critic, proclaimed in The Nation, that Kitty Genovese was “the hope of the American Musical Theatre.” And yet, no one would produce it; too violent, too edgy. Fits and starts. So, when the opportunity presented itself, I switched gears to adapt Disney’s High School Musical for the stage. After making a big commercial success with Disney, instead of hunting up my next big hit, I relocated out of New York City up to the Hudson Valley, where I’m told the stars go to hide from the tawdry glare of the spotlight (the Hudson Valley is lousy with celebs--Uma Thurman takes yoga with my pal Jennifer, Mark Ruffalo is a staple of the local anti-fracking set, Paul Rudd bought the candy store in my town). I was going to clear my life of distractions, create a whole new body of work, and focus on ‘getting it all out.’

       For the last seven years, that’s what I’ve been doing. I have been incubating new work in my house in the woods during my voluntary hermitage. I dedicated two years to earning my Masters Degree, deciding, at 55, it was time to sharpen a few old pencils by writing a two-person play about Walt Whitman and Oscar Wilde, called Wilde About Whitman. Back in the Hudson Valley, I created a local playwrights group to help get me out of my cave once a week. The writers in my group helped reacquaint myself with the fact that I work in a medium which demands a live audience in order to find fruition; people need to do my work in order for me to finish it. I’ve been so focused on ‘getting it all out,’ the actual next stage of ‘production’ has eluded me. Or maybe I’ve eluded it. Maybe I veer away from the spotlight where vision and identity finally come together; maybe, despite my intense desire for artistic success, I don’t feel worthy? Maybe my ambivalence is a question of identity; what if I’m afraid of who I am, of owning my talent? Maybe I’m caught in a flux of self-delusion; what if my talent isn’t as worthy as I think it is, and I’m afraid to find that out? Agents have no idea what to do with me: they can’t define me--and if they can’t define me, they can’t sell me.

       Maybe they can’t define me because I can’t define myself.

 

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Walt didn’t have that problem. He pulled no punches; he defined himself as a Poet of the Nation; the Nation, however, defined him as a failure, and a pornographer, due to the ‘prurient’ nature of his subject matter. Walt also defined himself visually; he micro-managed a series of carefully produced photographic portraits, defining his identity for others, and for himself. He was tenacious. He was ambitious. He was the second most photographed American of the 19th century, right behind Mark Twain. He posed for countless photographers, including Thomas Eakins and Napoleon Sarony. He was tireless in his photographic self-promotion and fussed over the smallest details of color and texture and design until the image achieved an iconoclastic, keenly constructed ‘style-with-no-style.’

 
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Style, on the other hand, defined Oscar. By the time he graduated Oxford, he identified himself as the High Priest of the Aesthetic Movement. His languorous posing and hyper-intellectual enthusiasm for the world of beauty had London’s tongue wagging. His brother Willie, who wrote the weekly social column at The Daily Telegraph newspaper, made sure his brother’s artistic antics remained in the public eye. But Oscar, and the Aesthetic movement, had their detractors. The young poet had already met and irritated the world-famous comic librettist, William Gilbert. Gilbert had cautioned the younger poet that he should talk less in public; to which Oscar replied that he would be happy to oblige him, but could not, in his heart, deny the public the pleasure of listening to him.

       A year later, the Savoy Theatre, famous for being the first theatre in London to use electric lighting, opened its doors for business with Gilbert and Sullivan’s Patience, or Bunthorne’s Bride, featuring a foppish ‘title’ character based on Oscar. It was a huge hit, and Oscar used it to fan the flames of his own ambition.

       As fate would have it, Patience producer Richard D’Oyly Carte engaged the penniless young aesthete to introduce the Aesthetic Movement to the new world in an eleven-month lecture tour of the United States, dressed as the comic foil, Lord Bunthorne. Essentially, Richard D’Oly Carte hired Oscar Wilde as a ‘sandwich board’ for the upcoming tour of Patience. Oscar agreed, but he had his own ideas.

       Dressed in the dandy’s outfit of knee breeches, cape, bowed shoes and delicate velvet coats, his hair six inches longer than socially acceptable, Oscar played his part to the hilt. He used the lecture tour to spread the gospel of his own identity, celebrity and brilliant intellect through an exhaustive series of lectures and interviews with the local press. He’d spend all day polishing epigrams and paradoxes, for use in conversation later that night.

       Oscar understood the career benefits of cultivating a consistent and professional relationship with the press, in his pursuit of recognition. Even before disembarking in the New York harbor, he presented an endless fascination for American reporters, starting at the US Customs in New York Harbor in 1881, where he claimed, “I have nothing to declare but my genius.”

Photo Credit: Charles Chessler Photography

Photo Credit: Charles Chessler Photography

In New York City, at Playwrights’ Horizons Theatre on 42nd Street, my one-act play, Prom Queen, was chosen to participate in the prestigious Samuel French Off-Off Broadway Festival, a high-profile, highly-selective, competitive week-long one-act play festival with a rotation of judges made up of commercially produced writers. This was the Big Event I’d been hoping for, a chance to get myself out of the woods, and back in the game, with a play that showed me at my transgressive best. Before the performance, award-winning photographer Charles Chessler, an old college friend of mine, set up an impromptu photo shoot down on 42nd street, just two hours before the festival. He wanted to get me, as I am, as I was, in the street, full of dreams and shocks and wired hope.

       Charles’ photos were dead on; they captured a happy combination of Angel, Devil and Clown; someone who feels at home in Edgar Allen Poe’s basement. I thought, great, once Prom Queen goes up tonight and makes its impact, once I make my impact, I’ll have a reason to use Charles’ photograph, I’ll be back in the game! Yay!

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Walt wanted to make an impact; he wanted to be noticed; he wanted his work to be taken seriously. From years of experience in the newspaper industry, he knew a photographic image was essential to the success and longevity of an author’s career. A good picture could anchor the author’s identity in the public eye; it could tell them what they should think before any critical response could tell them otherwise. Walt was not above writing letters to the editor in the assumed guise of various ‘public citizens’, praising Whitman’s poetry and even Whitman himself. Taking his career into his own hands, Walt became the ‘voice’ of the ‘people’ by praising himself, as one of them. He demanded, and often provided, the recognition he felt was his due.

 
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During those first few weeks in New York City, Oscar Wilde followed the advice of his friend, legendary French actress Sarah Bernhardt, and spent a full day and night with photographer Napoleon Sarony, the Annie Liebowitz of his day. The two men carefully chose the effete costumes and distinctive poses that would make Oscar one of the most famous men in America. The photographic portraits were sent out in advance to newspapers and magazines, portraying a foppish, towering young man whose image beguiled and captured the attention of the country. His audacious photos were used, without his consent, to sell a variety of items, from chewing gum to shoe polish. Sarony’s portrait of Oscar would ultimately gain national and historic merit when the Supreme Court ruled, in favor of Sarony, that photographs could be copyrighted.

       Moments before Prom Queen was about to start, the Samuel French Director of Licensing sat down in the seat next to me; having heard his staff talk about my play for weeks, he wanted to see what all the fuss was about. Prom Queen is risky: the piece is a darkly subversive, feminist satire about eating disorders and self-image, and includes the casual, on-stage, blood-sucking murder of an infant. The lights went down, and two brilliant young actresses in bra and panties took over the stage, portraying two New Jersey high school girls who discover the perfect diet: vampirism. The production, directed by Michael Schiralli, was flawless; the performances were wild and familiar and perfectly over the top; the audience erupted in laughter, shock and thunderous, foot-stomping applause. The Director of Licensing grabbed my leg: Prom Queen was a perfect one-act play, he said, and looked forward to seeing me at the final round of the weeklong competition. I could feel the spotlight warming up; clearly, I’d soon be needing Charles’ pics. Angel-Devil-Clown. Maybe I can work with the image, have some fun with it, shoot some more with Charles, allow myself to fully define my identity….

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A famous photo of Walt Whitman balancing a butterfly on the tip of his finger became immensely popular and enhanced his reputation as Poet Laureate of Nature. It didn’t matter that the butterfly was made of cardboard. To Whitman, the image was the message, and the image was whatever he wanted it to be. He later created the myth of the Old Grey Poet, with his casually chosen wardrobe and wild white hair and beard. He spent hours designing a look that he knew would last forever. And soon, over the course of hundreds of newspaper interviews and countless photo sessions, Walt became what his image promised: the wild-haired genius of his time.

 
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Not to be outdone, Oscar gave more than 300 interviews during the eleven-month lecture tour. His photo appeared over hundreds of times in newspapers and periodicals. By the time he left the United States, Oscar Wilde was once again a household name.

       This was eight years before he would write anything of note.

        My husband and I slogged through three Canadian Club Manhattans in Kabooze, a depressive commuter bar deep in Penn Station, waiting around to hear if the judges had chosen Prom Queen to advance in the festival. Remember, the Director of Licensing himself had called Prom Queen “a perfect one act play.” The drinks tasted good.

       And then, I got a short text from my director. The judges’ verdict was in: Prom Queen had been ejected. Bounced out of the festival. Apparently one of the judges accused my piece of being sexist, missing the feminist trees in a forest of exposed teen flesh. And so, Prom Queen ended its run, ignominiously abandoned, bounced out of the game, shunted to the dark side of the spotlight. Again.

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Identity. Self-definition. Self-promotion. Self-awareness. The power and clarity of the photographic image. Whitman introduced it. Wilde fulfilled it.  Both men understood how to turn this recipe for fame into long, successful careers, using their celebrity to help spread the brilliance of their talent. Both fanned the flames of their ambition, despite either bad critical reviews of their work, or no work yet to be reviewed.

       By focusing on the carefully constructed image, on the photograph, on the self-articulated identity as the artists defined themselves, they were able to circumvent critical literary response as being the sole, defining lynchpin of success. Their image reflected a persona they wanted to promote. Their image became them. And they became their image.

 
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Clearly, I need to change how I play the game. The world can’t get a clear picture of who I am, because I keep changing it. Do I need to take one and give it to them, literally? No. What I need to do is consider myself with the same acuity and awareness exhibited by both Whitman and Wilde, and anchor myself in that image, in that identity. In my own identity. 

       My self-delusion is not so grand as to consider myself in the same class as these two giants; I’m barely in the same school, eating cookies and taking naps in the sodden corners of pre-K. But having stuck my head inside their lecture hall, I can see the similarities and disparities between them and me. Their careers were fueled by a constant belief in self-worth that enabled them to masterfully craft their fame. Their desire for recognition and success were unflinching and creative; it gave them a constant platform from which to spread their brilliant work. I have had a career of fits and starts. My belief in my self-worth would get me to the brink of success, would court the spotlight for my unique voice and vision, but then I’d run from whatever victory I had gained, feeling somehow unworthy of the intensely positive attention, or defined by tone-deaf, negative response.

       Walt posed with a cardboard butterfly because he believed in what the image purported. Oscar paraded as a dandy because he knew he would gain the attention he felt he would someday deserve; by the end of the tour, he would lock the dandy costume in a trunk, and redefine himself as a serious (and seriously funny) man of letters. Neither of them was fully embraced by society; both Oscar and Walt were condemned for their work, and both died penniless. But neither of them swerved from the unshakeable belief in themselves. They each believed that their talent was worthy of the world, and that they were worthy of their talent. They defined themselves in a photo in order to spread a consistent, visual recognition of who they were, but their true definition was not confined to an image; rather, their sense of self exceeded the banks of the image they chose for themselves. Their belief in self was anchored in the knowledge that they deserved their talent. They craved the spotlight in order to better share their experience of the world.

       As I jump once again back into the game, here is what I learned from my visit to the Valley of the Giants: Before you can expect others to know you, you have to know yourself first. As Oscar might say, belief in self-image breeds belief in one’s self.


David Simpatico is a graduate of The Mountainview Low-Residency MFA in Fiction and Nonfiction. His full length play, Wilde About Whitman, is slated for publication in The Idaho Review, Fall 2018. 

Such Great Heights

By Sarah Foil

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We arrived at our campsite shortly before the park closed their gates at 10 pm. After an afternoon by the river, drinking beer, eating pizza and enjoying the sun, we were warm and dazed. Daniel helped me set up the tent and air mattress at the campsite, right next to our friends. Once finished, I had assumed we’d spend the evening the way I spent most nights when I camped: drinking wine, roasting marshmallows, and chatting about nothing in particular. Instead, my campmates were packing their backpacks and lacing their boots.

     “You guys ready?” Eric asked. He strapped a headlamp to his forehead. He was a more prepared camper than Daniel and me. He had the gas lamp, multiple flashlights, an overhead tarp for the picnic table, and an air mattress that apparently could inflate on its own in less than a minute. We had brought bathing suits and a cooler filled with boxed wine and Blue Moon.

     “For what?” I asked.

     “Our midnight hike,” Sam said. She’d just taken a shower in the communal bathrooms and smelled like flowers; I’d taken a shower before we’d left home that afternoon and smelled like bug spray.

     “Are we allowed to hike after the park closes?” I asked.

     “Probably not,” Daniel said. “But it sounds like fun."

     “We do this every year,” Eric said. “We’ll hike up to the top the mountain. We’re already halfway up.”

     “But it’s pitch black outside,” I said.

     “It’s totally worth it,” Sam said. “Trust me.”

     Anxiety twisted in my stomach but Daniel was already padding his pockets with water bottles and snacks. Eric tossed me a headlamp, and we followed him and Sam up to the trail.

     I moseyed in back of the group, focusing on my feet shambling up the uneven rocks, mindful of the long crooked twigs poking up from the bed of leaves. Ahead of me the trail wound, switchback after switchback, as we climbed higher. The moon hid behind the clouds and the towering tree canopy blocked residual light from reaching our trail. Anything past the light of our flashlights was lost in abysmal blackness.

     I’d hiked this trail many times before, but it looked sinister without the sunlight, the crowd of hikers and bird songs.


"It wasn’t gone. I knew that. It was lurking somewhere behind, along with hundreds of his little friends, just waiting to bite."


The first portion of the hike went quickly. We talked and laughed. Soon I forget about the looming nothingness on all sides of me and the scurrying insects and arachnids that would, no doubt, climb up my leg if I slowed my pace.

     Eric was in the middle of telling a story about his parents when an unfamiliar noise interrupted us, almost like a vibration or cicada hum.  Every beam from our headlamps and flashlights swung down to the forest floor. What looked like a shabby piece of dark brown cord slithered around the rocks beneath us.

     Eric yelled, “Rattlesnake!”

     I shrieked and leaped nearly a foot back, then cowered behind Daniel. I could hear my heart thudding in my head. My legs shook.

     The snake jostled its tail a final time before it slid off the trail and out of sight.

     “Can we go? I want to go.” I said to no one in particular.

     “You can go if you want,” Sam said. She looked calm in the flashlight’s glow, but her voice quivered. “I won’t blame you.”

     “That’s never happened before,” Eric said. He gave a dry laugh. “That was crazy.”

     “Do you really want to leave?” Daniel asked me, quietly. “We’re almost there.”

     Sam made a face, which said that that wasn’t completely true.

     “I want to go back,” I said.

     “I’ll go with you if you want, but I really want to get to the top,” Daniel said. “The snake’s gone now, anyway. It’s okay.”

     It wasn’t gone. I knew that. It was lurking somewhere behind, along with hundreds of his little friends, just waiting to bite. I could count on one hand the number of times I’d seen a live snake but this was the first time I’d seen one outside of a zoo.

     “You should stay,” Sam said. “I’ve never seen a snake on this trail before. It’s just a freak accident.”

     “Really?” I asked.

     “First time,” Eric reassured me.

     “Let’s go,” Daniel said. He rested a hand on my back. “I’ll stay back here with you and hold the light at your feet.”

     I hesitated because I was trying to decide if it would be better to continue up the trail or head back to the camp and sit there all alone. Also, I still couldn’t feel my legs. However, I didn’t want to ruin the fun for everyone else and risk missing out on the rest of the trip, so I’d go on, but it would be slowly. Carefully.

     “If we see another snake, I’m leaving."

     We continued. Step by step. Daniel kept his flashlight trained on my feet, while Sam and Eric attempted to keep the conversation distracting and snake-anecdote free, but I remained on edge. Each twig and stick was now a potential enemy. The spiders and centipedes crawling over my feet weren’t the only concerns anymore.

     Occasionally, Daniel lifted his flashlight to scan the surrounding trees. Each time he did, I panicked and insisted he keep the flashlight pointed at the ground. That’s where the danger slithered from. He huffed in frustration but kept the light low. I’m sure he was looking for coyotes or bears or something more terrifying than a snake, but that didn’t matter to me at the moment.

     We inched up the path, which got steeper and ever more treacherous as we climbed. Time passed and my breathing grew heavy from climbing the cut rock that made up the man-made stairs while I suspiciously eyed any and everything that moved. Eventually, the trees gave way to open air and cold wind. The sky appeared above us from the canopy, although it was still too cloudy to see the stars or moon.

     The old fire watch tower grew up out of the center of the landing, chipping brick and rusting metal. It was a short climb to the top of the tower, but once we conquered the stairs, it felt like we were in another world.

     The mountain pass spread out wide before us. We could follow the lights down roads that led back to our homes almost an hour away. We found the powerplant, the city I worked in, the warehouse by my in-law’s home. In the distance we saw bolts of lightning, which looked more like sparkling splinters than formidable forces of nature.

     In fact, everything was small here. The trees were small. The snakes were small. I was small.

     And just at that moment, standing there amongst friends high atop the mountain, while taking in the view of the sleeping, miniature world below,  I was unafraid.


Sarah Foil is a graduate of The Mountainview Low-Residency MFA in Fiction and Nonfiction. You can follow her at www.sarahfoil.com: A Blog for Writers, for Readers, for Dog Lovers, for Coffee Drinkers. This story originally appeared in the 2018 web edition of Assignment Magazine.

Like the Flowers

By Katie Pavel

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“It's not that bad,” I say. “If you don’t look over that far, you can almost pretend it’s not there.”

     My mom nods, unconvinced. 

     “Look,” I say. “If you stand here, this tree blocks it out entirely.”

     “When you sit on the bench, though, you can still see it,” my dad says. 

     I frown. “Oh.”

     “It won't be the same,” Mom says.

     No, it won't be the same. 

     I stare down the 80-foot double-wide that is blocking a third of the once panoramic view of the foothills rolling out to the prairie and Bear Butte beyond. It’s not so much the ruined view that is upsetting, though that was part of what made this place special. It’s the fact that the seclusion of the garden has been lost.

     A year or two after my brother died, now going on nine or so years ago, Mom and Dad fenced off a few acres in the upper southwest corner of their property to create a memorial garden for Brian. They chose that particular location because Brian often spent time there taking pictures of the wildflowers that appeared every season. Keeping the horses and goats from grazing has allowed the land to return to its natural, undisturbed state.

     In addition to remembering Brian, Mom and Dad wanted to create a space where family members of those like Brian, those who have shared the gift of life through organ donation, or recipients who have received such gifts, can visit. They built a deck in a cove surrounded by pine trees so visitors can sit and reflect. A year or so later, a local church built a gazebo-like structure where Mom and Dad hung signs that explain the significance of the garden and its purpose. The recipient of Brian’s heart and liver even donated some benches.  Every year, Mom mows paths in the garden so that people can meander through and around the flowers.


"When the rains come, the flowers flourish—cone flowers, sego lilies, wild rose, and lead plant—until the entire hillside is awash with color. "


The garden is far enough from my parents’ house so that you don’t feel like you’re intruding. Mom and Dad say they often don’t realize someone has visited until they hear a car heading back down the road. You can stare out at the view of Bear Butte, listen to the birds singing and the winds swaying through the grass, remember your loved ones, and cry if you want. You can stay from sunrise to sunset for as long as you like.   

     During dry years, the flowers are sparse. You have to walk slowly and search amongst the brome grass to find the delicate harebells blossoming underneath the growth. When the rains come, the flowers flourish—cone flowers, sego lilies, wild rose, and lead plant—until the entire hillside is awash with color. Mom always says the garden reflects life, how we survive through the hard times and blossom during the good. Every season is different and yet the garden, like life, continues to change and grow.

     “Why’d they put their house there? Don’t they understand what the garden is for, how special it is?” friends asked my parents when they found out that the people who had bought the land directly to the south had chosen to plant their house right on the top of the hill, only a few hundred yards from the garden.

     “They haven’t experienced a loss,” Dad said. “They can’t relate.”

     I wish they could. Not that I’d wish the pain of losing someone on anyone. But still.

     “Put up a privacy fence,” I said when I found out. I was kidding at the time, and yet I wasn’t. 

     Dad, always the diplomat, said that wouldn’t be the neighborly thing to do.

     Before the land sold, you had to follow a two track, nothing more than a path, really, through the trees to reach the garden. The track was rough, and while Mom kept it mowed during the summer, it was all but impassable during the winter. Now, the trees have been cut down and a wide driveway leads to the house on top. It makes for easy access to the garden, too, but that’s just another part of the sentiment that is gone.

     As we pause on the deck in the cove and reflect upon how the garden will now be, we reconsider my idea.

     “Maybe not a full fence,” I say. “Just partitions. We could build windbreaks to block the view of the house out in the pasture. The horses and goats could use them, too. And up on top, we could put an art wall, a place maybe where people can donate decorations to hang in memory of their loved ones.”

     Dad mulls over the idea. “You know, that might just work.”

     “Something to consider,” Mom says.

     For now, we’ll wait. We’ll see. Maybe the mood of the garden won’t change. Maybe visitors will still be able to find the seclusion and privacy they seek. Maybe Mom and Dad won’t have to mourn losing a little bit of Brian all over again.

     In the end, what else can we do? Like the flowers, we have to find the good in the bad and allow for change. We have to continue to grow. 


Katie Pavel is a graduate of The Mountainview Low-Residency MFA in Fiction and Nonfiction. She has her own blog and runs Little Leaf Copy Editing, an online business that specializes in copy editing and writing consulting.

PG-wan

By Margaret McNellis

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When my eldest nephew was born, my father wanted to be called “The Grandfather,” like in Heidi. We all told him that was too formal and joked that he should be called “Poppy,” instead.  Somehow, this morphed into "Poppy-Gramps," which we then shortened to “PG” or “Peej.” We all took a certain pride in the nickname, though none so much as its owner, my father. He was the greatest PG there’d ever been, or at the very least, a more than decent grandfather. His grandchildren were always first in his thoughts.

     He’d take them hiking on our property, in search of ancient campsites, where their five-and-seven-year-old selves felt certain the random, oddly-shaped stones and scraps of discolored wood were actually the scattered remnants of old arrowheads, timeworn heirlooms from a distant past, just waiting to be unearthed beneath the blanket of dried, crunchy leaves. He kept for them a secret rock collection, guarded under lock and key, and a slew of camping gear he’d hoped to use in retirement, whenever he let that day come. Just as he’d done with me as a child, so he did with them. In that, whatever their interests were, he nurtured them and became an armchair expert in those subjects, just to have something to say to them that would ignite the sparkle of curiosity in their young eyes. With one grandfather living halfway across the globe, he did double duty as their elder male role-model. He was the harbinger of Hess trucks and the bestower of train sets. He was our PG-wan


"Just as he’d done with me as a child, so he did with them. In that, whatever their interests were, he nurtured them and became an armchair expert in those subjects, just to have something to say to them that would ignite the sparkle of curiosity in their young eyes."


The year was 2015. Star Wars: The Force Awakens was due to be released later that year, and for Halloween, I traveled with my parents to East Hampton, New York. There’s a street there that goes Halloween-crazy, with piles of pumpkins, gaggles of ghosts, and just before sundown—hordes of trick-or-treaters and their families. We all decided to dress up as characters from the Star Wars universe. We had just about everyone from the film, including Rei and Kylo Ren. Some of us were token Jedi, but my father dressed up as Obi-wan Kenobi. He had the beard and everything, including an extending, light-up plastic saber that made authentic whooshing and clashing sounds.

     We called him "PG-wan."

     My father loved Halloween. He was always a faithful trick-or-treating guardian. As we zigzagged from house to house, each casting an orange glow from the jack-o-lanterns that adorned front walks nestled between swaths of perfectly manicured lawns, he’d carry flashlights for us, our sacks of candy when they got too heavy, and always made us walk on whatever side of him was farthest away from any vehicular danger. His guardianship didn’t end after the press of the final doorbell, either. When we got home, he’d check our candy to make sure no one had tampered with it, though I also suspect he was cataloging our hauls so as to ensure we didn’t go into sugar frenzies by eating too much at once.

     Just as Obi-wan Kenobi tried to guide Luke Skywalker and look after him, so too would my father happily take on the role of protector. He played the same role for my nephews, too, giving them just enough freedom not to feel the pull of authority, but always keeping a watchful eye, whether to protect them or to take pictures of them with other neighborhood Jedi.

     2015 was his last Halloween. His diagnosis and death robbed him of just one more pretense, just one more candy-walk, just one more night of fog machines, giant inflatable witches, and foam gravestones. The last time I visited my sister’s house, Memorial Day 2018, I came across his PG-wan robe. For the first time since he passed, there was no sadness in finding something of his tucked away. Instead, I just smiled, draped the robe over my shoulders and watched the thin, brown fabric pool at my feet. Then I held out my arms, pretended I swung a lightsaber in my hands. I even made the whooshing sounds.


Margaret McNellis is a current degree candidate at The Mountainview Low Residency MFA in Fiction and Nonfiction. Follow her on her bog, https://mmcnellis.com

Dinner with the VerBecks

By John Will 

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Once there was a Dutchman, his name was Johnny VerBeck,
He made the finest sausages and sauerkraut and speck.
He made the finest sausages the world had ever seen,
Until one day he invented, the Wonderful Sausage Machine.

“The Ballad of Johnny VerBeck”

I

           He has two problems. The first is a body-count. The second, well…

           A silver phone buzzes in its holster on his belt. With surprising grace for a big man, he reaches to answer the call. “Parties to Go: Inflatables—how may I help you?” he says. A deep furrow creases his tan brow as he listens intently to the caller. The furrow deepens as he contemplates the request. “Yes, tomorrow, ten a.m.,” he says. “So you want the six-by-twelve, the dual-racer, and the fly-wall?” He listens again and starts nodding to himself. “For a last minute request like this, we charge a convenience fee of two hundred fifty dollars.” Another nod. This one was easy. Not like a lot of his clients. “Would you like to add our insurance package?” he says. “It’s another hundred twenty, but it provides coverage up to a million dollars in the event of a mishap.” He chooses the word carefully. He always chooses his words carefully. Brushing a large, dirt-stained hand through his shoulder-length red hair, he waits for the inevitable response. “No? Well, I’m sorry I can’t interest you in it,” he says. His voice, a soft, melodic tenor, is quite at odds with his physical appearance. Hulking well over seven feet, his customers are often startled when first seeing him, and then startled again when they hear his voice, like soft rain falling on a parched landscape. The dirt on his hands is another contradiction. Hands that look like his shouldn’t be able to play the piano with brilliance. They are hard hands, callused and cracked by labor. Works of love to be sure, but hard all the same. He has started to fade out of the conversation—the important work is finished, and he can answer the remaining questions with little thought. “Yes, we’ll be there. Nineteen-oh-two Schafenstraade Lane. With bells on, I promise,” he says. “Your daughter will never have a better party.” He ends the call and returns the phone to its semi-permanent home.

           Turning his attention back to the party at hand, he spies Dad talking to Mom, who gives a weary headshake. He’s seen that look before. He’s seen every look before. As a party engineer (at least that’s what the nametag claims), he’s seen every version of every look on every kind of face. In stressful circumstances, people inevitably fall into predictable patterns. It bores him. Dad starts walking his way.

           “Laurie said the kids said the bouncy house isn’t bouncing right,” Dad says.

           “Yes, I noticed the back corner looks a little flat,” he says. “I can take a look, but I’d have to deflate the house for a few minutes. Let’s wait until it’s time for cake. I’d hate to ruin the kids’ fun.”

           “Sounds like you’ve done this more than twice,” says Dad. “Thanks, Mr.-…”

           Before he can answer, the phone on his belt rings again. “Sorry, I need to take this,” he says. He turns from Dad and begins the spiel once more. Dad walks back to Mom to report the good news. In the bouncy hut, the kids continue to shriek as they jump into one another and fall into laughing, squiggling heaps on the hut floor.

           The hut is the biggest model Parties-to-Go carries: the fifteen-by-twenty. It’s called “The Castle”. It rents out at a whopping ninety dollars an hour, with a minimum of two hours guaranteed. Four crenellated castles adorn the corners of the hut, transforming it a mythical citadel. The towers are bright red, with golden spires topping them. Cheerful purple pennants adorn the spires, featuring pictures of knights and dragons. The interior of the hut is blue, with green trim around the corners. In the back left corner, a partially hidden staircase leads to the top of the slide which empties children onto the mat outside the hut. He notices that the kids are avoiding the slide for now, presumably because the floor isn’t as springy there as the rest of the hut. Bad design, he thinks. Bad planning. He is usually careful so that things like this don’t happen. He is usually meticulous. But the past few weeks, something has been changing. He’s caught himself slipping up from time to time. He assumes that it must be the workload—too much to do and too little time. He can accept this premise, but rejects the conclusion. He just needs to focus. Can’t make any mistakes now. Can’t afford that—not with business as good as it’s been. A particularly joyous shriek causes him to look up from his reverie. It’s Birthday Girl—Jill? Joy? Oh, yes, Julie. He smiles at her. “How’s the house Birthday Girl?” he asks. “Are you having a happy birthday?”

           “Yeah. I love it,” Julie says. “Thanks, Mr.-…”

           “VerBeck,” he says.

           “Well, thanks Mr. VerBeck,” Julie says. “Can you come again next year?”

           “Would you like me to?” he asks.

           “Yes, please,” Julie says. She shyly curls a stray strand of brown hair behind an ear. The adorable look, he thinks. “But, Mommy says the hut is expensive and Daddy says we may not be able to pay for it.”

           “Don’t worry, Birthday Girl,” he says, “I’m sure we can find a way to bring the castle back next year.” He loves the optimism and joy he sees on the faces of the children who attend his parties. He thinks of them as his parties, because after all, his gear is the main event. He has a heart for kids. It’s one of his quirks. Some days he wants to tell the customers about what they are really paying for. He refrains. He’s too busy, and business is too good.

           Birthday Girl has left the hut, and gone to grab some punch at the picnic table. A Parties-to-Go party is always catered, but really, he knows the kids don’t care about the food, they just want to bounce. He loves seeing their smiling faces. It’s why he’s in the business after all. Well, that, and…

           He sees Mom walk over to the picnic table carrying the cake. “Time for dessert,” Mom shouts, above the din. Little ones of all shapes and sized file toward the table from all over the yard. Once the cake cutting has commenced, he nods at Dad, and heads behind the castle. He does a quick check to make sure no kids are inside the hut. No sense in getting someone hurt, he thinks. Reaching under the hut’s skirt, he fishes for some duct tape and steel cable. “The Castle” has been acting up this week, and he wants to fix it as quickly as possible. On hands and knees, he crawls under the hut.

           The world turns a dim blue as he makes his way to the sagging corner. Just as he suspected, the cables have come loose from their grommets. With deft movements, he re-tensions the cables. Using some duct tape, he finishes the work. He hates on-site repairs like this, but hates disappointing customers more. He crawls out from under the hut. Ducking through the mesh door, he bounces his way to the formerly sagging corner. He jumps several times, noting that the floor remains firm. Problem solved. Then it’s back outside to let Dad know the hut is fully functional again. Dad smiles that half-grin he’s seen so many times before. They are always thankful, and thankful to be out of a jam. Maybe Mom will give him mommy-daddy-special-time tonight after the party. Birthday Girl is glowing, after all.

           After dessert, the kids clamber back inside the hut, although now their enthusiasm is diminished by cake-bloat. Many kids choose the slide over bouncing, and for the next forty minutes, a steady parade of little ones tumble onto the mat. Such diligent workers, he thinks. If this were his first rodeo, he supposes that he would be surprised by the strange end-of-party phenomenon that comes next, but, as an experienced hand, he merely notes it, and files it away. The phenomenon is this: very slowly, the children’s excitement and energy begin to ebb, as the first few parents arrive. As the party’s entropy increases, so too the number of parents. Not a parent himself, this seeming coincidence that is repeated at nearly every party seems to indicate a sort of telepathy between parent and progeny. But he is far too grounded to attribute much importance to this effect and dismisses it as a quirk of human nature.

           At a certain point, the exodus reaches critical mass, and thereafter, the party is soon finished. Once everyone but Mom, Dad, and Birthday Girl are gone, he deflates “The Castle”. She, still shy, approaches. “Thank you.” Julie curls that same lock behind the same ear. He smiles.

           “You’re welcome, Birthday Girl,” he says. “I hope your party was every bit as wonderful as you dreamed.”

           “Oh, yes, it was,” Julie says, “It was the best day ever. I hope you come back next year.”

           “I’ll be here,” he says. “Which reminds me, can you ask your Dad to come over for a minute?”

           “I will,” Julie says, with a warm smile. It’s clear that he has won Julie over, as he has so many others before.

           “Thank you, Birthday Girl,” he says, “and happy birthday.” Julie runs over to Dad, and repeats the request. Birthday Girl hugs Dad tightly in thanks for the party. Dad, looking much more at ease, saunters over to the deflating tent.

           “Julie said you wanted to see me,” Dad says.

           “Yes,” he replies. “Birthday Girl told me that she was worried that you couldn’t afford this hut next year.”

           “Oh, that,” says Dad, sheepishly. “Well, Julie worries about the things I worry about, and money has been tight this year.”

           “I have a discount for repeat customer,” he says. “I’m sure we can come to an arrangement.”

           “That’s a very generous offer,” says Dad, looking humbled. It’s clear that Dad is waging a war inside. “If Julie wants a bouncy house next year, I will gladly take that deal.”

           “Excellent,” he says.

           “Thank you, Mr. VerBeck,” Dad says.

           “I hope I don’t look old enough to be a ‘Mr.’ yet,” he says, “and you are most welcome. Birthday Girl seemed happy, and that’s what matters. Now, if you will excuse me, I will get this tent taken down, and get out of your way. I look forward to seeing your family next year.”

          Dad walks back toward the house. Mom whispers something and Dad smiles and turns red. Must be that mommy-daddy-special-time, he thinks to himself as the tent continues to deflate. It’s all the same to him. Yes, he’s the hero of the day, but he’s too busy to bask in adulation or regret its absence. He still has to get back to base, fix this hut, and prep tomorrow’s newly added party. It will be another long night, but he loves this job, and wouldn’t have it any other way.

           When the tent is fully deflated, he rolls it tightly and cinches it closed with rope. Can’t afford to have it bouncing around in the back of the truck. As he pulls out of the driveway, he notes that the family has gathered in the front room to play a board game. He thinks to himself that it’s the perfect end to a perfect day.

II

He pulls into the driveway at eleven o’clock in the evening. He shuts off the truck and it sputters to a halt. He looks up at the house, his own castle. A modest split-level, he has painted it eggshell with brown trim. The roof is covered in brown shingles which he installed himself last summer. The front door has a small frosted-glass insert, giving the entry a natural light.

           He walks up the drive, looking at his lawn. He mowed yesterday but can see growth already. He will need to mow it again soon—can’t afford to have a messy lawn. A line of trimmed hedges borders the walk to the door. Everything is neat, orderly.

           He enters the house and put his keys on a hook by the door. He sees a light on in the kitchen, as well as the living room. Strange, he thinks. He removes his boots and places them neatly on the mat beside the door. Can’t make a mess.

          “I’m home,” he says.

          Good.

          He smells stewing meat before he crosses the threshold into the kitchen.

           The room is stark, bright. Stainless steel countertops reflect the blazing fluorescent lights. In this room, no shadows exist. His eyes tour the room, from the stainless appliances to the glass-fronted cabinets. Overhead, pots and pans hang from steel hooks. The knives are organized in their block on the prep table. He is pleased to see that everything is in order. On the stove, a Dutch oven is resting on low flames, steam rising from it. Smells like loin, he thinks. He takes a deep breath, inhaling the scented air, and smiles. Loin is his favorite, and it is always a treat to come home to a finished meal, especially after such a long day. He is tired after working two parties and preparing for another two tomorrow. Stewed loin will be a perfect reward for a long day.

           “How long until we dine?” he asks in the direction of the living room.

           Not long.

           “Side dish?” he asks.

           Yes.

           He moves to the pantry, grasps its steel handle and peers inside. Almost bare, the pantry reflects his busy schedule. However, in the bin on the floor, he sees a sack of fingerling potatoes. Perfect. He takes these to the sink, washes and scrubs them, and lays them beside the cutting board on the prep table. He dices them into thin slivers and sprinkles them with salt and pepper. He reaches overhead for a sauté pan, into which he pours some olive oil he pulled from a shelf on the prep table. He heats the oil and walks back to the pantry. He returns with an onion and a clove of garlic. The onion he slices as thinly as the potatoes, and the garlic goes into a press. He loves the flavor of garlic but hates the texture. Into the oil, he places the potatoes and onions. When they have turned golden brown, he presses the garlic over the pan, and relishes in the aromatics the oil releases as it sizzles in the heat. He allows the potatoes to cook for another minute before pulling the pan off the heat.

           “I believe it is time to eat,” he says.

           The table is set.

           Carrying two trivets, he heads into the dining room, to find the table set. He places the trivets at even intervals. As he heads for the kitchen, he turns the lights on at their lowest setting—mood lighting for a sumptuous feast. Using gloves, he carries the sauté pan into the dining room, followed by the Dutch oven. He makes a final trip for a carving knife and fork and two serving spoons.

           “Let us pray,” he says.

            If you like.

           “Bless us, Providencer, with the bounty of the world. Bless our coming and going. Bless the night in which we repose. Bless the servant and the master,” he prays.

            That was lovely.

           “It would be improper to partake without gratitude,” he says.

            So it would.

           “At work today, I made a Birthday Girl smile,” he says.

            That is your gift.

           “She was so lovely,” he says.

           She will always be lovely.

           “That is your gift,” he says.

           Yes. Partake of the fruits of your labor.

           He cuts into the loin, and juices squirt out onto the table. He runs a finger through the juice, before placing it slowly in his mouth. He sucks with great pleasure, savoring every drop. He spears a potato with his fork and lays it on his tongue. He can feel the crisp firmness, a perfect pairing for the juice he has tasted. He cuts a small piece of loin, and moans as the meat seems to melt on his taste buds. A trickle of juice slips from his lips and slides down his chin. He cuts another, larger piece of loin, no longer able to contain his hunger. He ravages the food before him, this offering of love. Fruits of his labor, how appropriate for so sweet a meal.

           “I saw the special look again, today,” he says.

           Speak not of such things in the presence.

           “But you told me—,” he says.

           Not in the presence of the Providencer. Never that.

           “But I have been good,” he says.

           Yes.

           He quickly finishes his meal. He then carries everything into the kitchen, washes, dries, and replaces every item. Must keep things neat. He opens the stainless steel refrigerator and removes a birthday cake. Grabbing plates, knives and forks, he turns back toward the dining room, only to find the light turned off. He heads for the living room. A small fire is crackling contentedly in the neat stone fireplace. The flames cast intricate shadows on the Steinway in the far corner of the room. He turns off the lights, to better enjoy the fire.

           “Time for dessert,” he says.

           Cake is always delicious.

           He cuts two pieces and serves the cake. The frosting is a creamy white, topped with a little fairy-tale castle and a princess figurine. He eats quickly, eager to move on to the next part of the evening.

           “May I play for you?” he asks.

           For a time.

           “If I play well enough—…,” he says, trailing off.

           Perhaps.

           “Then I will play my best,” he says. He walks to the piano, pulls back the bench, and sits down. He closes his eyes. In his mind, he can see notes floating above a page of sheet music. He always sees it this way. From memory, his hands begin to play Chopin’s Nocturne No. 2, almost of their own accord. His head begins to sway to the notes dancing in his mind.

           When he finishes, the notes in his mind shift, and he begins to play Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata. Visions of Birthday Girl bouncing in the castle swim into his mind. She is beautiful there, jumping and laughing, reveling in her birthday. As he watches, she begins to pirouette, first slowly, then faster. As she twirls, she begins to change. She transforms into a dazzling, white rose. A single drop of red colors the center of the rose. It is perfect, flawless.

           His hands stop moving as he reaches the end of the sonata. He takes a deep breath and opens his eyes.

           “Did I play well?” he asks.

           That was lovely.

           “The music?” he asks.

           The dream.

           “Did I play well enough?” he asks.

           Only for a moment.

           “Thank you,” he says.

           He stands up at the piano and pushes the bench underneath. Slowly, he walks across the carpeted floor and makes his way to the stairs. He pauses to catch his breath. It is always like this, he thinks. One hand on the railing, he walks up the steps, dreading with anticipation the reward to come. He reaches the door to his chambers and stops. A single candle is lit on the dresser. It casts pale shadows across the room.

           Against the headboard of the bed, Emily is sitting, dressed in a cute little satin dress, green over white, wearing a party hat.

           It’s been a long day, Daddy.

           “Yes, sweetheart, it has,” he says. “And I’m tired.”

           He changes into a pair of long, striped pajamas, and climbs onto the bed next to Emily. As he wraps his arms around Emily, her neck droops at a funny angle. He lifts the head of his beautiful, beloved Birthday girl, and places her head against his shoulder. Holding Emily, he starts to doze, and as he does, he has one last thought: the perfect end to the perfect day.


John Will is a graduate of The Mountainview Low-Residency MFA in Fiction and Nonfiction. You can follow him at https: The Writing Dad, a blog dedicated to the adventure of being a dad and an author at the same time.  

Meet Mona

By Danny Fisher

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I’m in bed frolicking, as adults do, head at the wrong end of the bed, feet in the air, engaged in full-on naked frolicking with the new man in my life, when a voice from my kitchen floats up the stairs,  “Danielle-a, are you here? You busy?”

     I forgot that she was going to stop by; I also forgot she has a key. I get out of bed and shut the bedroom door. My new boyfriend does what he does best.

     “Who the fuck is that?” Wide-eyed, he searches for his underwear, tossing blankets and pillows in a flurry of fabric.  

     “That would be my mother,” I say. I am forty-three years old with two grown children. The cat’s out of the bag regarding my virginity. My mother knows.  My boyfriend cannot grasp this fact.

     “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he mutters as he hops around on one foot, his found underwear pulled up mid-thigh,  pants dangling off the other leg. I cock my head and watch as everything dangles.

     “Babe, relax, I’ll go down there. Just chill,” I say. I slip on a  negligee. “If you jump, you’ll probably break a leg,” I add, just in case he decides to try something stupid.  Then I go downstairs and greet my mother.


"My mother is the lady who taught me that panty lines were tacky. She oozes the kind of sex appeal most women fake."


“Hey, Mom.” I kiss her cheek, “I forgot you were coming up.”

     “I told you I had that doctor’s appointment.” She pulls back and notices my attire. “That’s cute. You look skinny. Were you sleeping?”

     “No, I was fucking.”

     My mother is the lady who taught me that panty lines were tacky. She oozes the kind of sex appeal most women fake. In response to my declaration, her eyes light up.

     “Oooh!” She leans toward the staircase as if to catch a peek. “Is he coming down?”

     “Uh, well, he’s kind of shy. The thing is, Mom, he’s a little younger than me.”

     She raises a brow.

     “Thirty. He’s thirty, but he looks twelve. Okay, not twelve, but not thirty. He’s cute. He’s Asian. He’s a cute Asian.”

     “The Asians always look young,” she says. She walks to the bottom of the stairs.  I’m not sure what she’s about to do, but there’s no stopping her. A force to be reckoned with, that one. 

     “Hey, you up there! You best put your pants on and come down and meet me! Don’t make me come up there!” She smiles at me and winks. 

      I go upstairs. The boyfriend is fully dressed, sitting on the edge of the bed. 

     “Are you fucking serious right now?” he says.

     “Do you really want her to come up here?” We both take stock of the surroundings. There is the bed that looks like a tornado hit it. 

     And then there is the paraphernalia.  Our eyes lock on the paraphernalia. He looks at me. I shake my head, no. There is no time to dispense with the paraphernalia. She will come up here, my expression says. She will see it. She will comment on it. She will not pretend she didn’t see it. 

     “Fuck,” he groans and follows me downstairs. 

     “Mom, this is Pat,” I step out of the way of their meeting. “Pat, this is my mother, Mona.” My mother approaches him, wraps her bony arms around him and squeezes as if she were being reunited with a long-lost love. Pat’s brown eyes shoot daggers at me over her shoulder. Mom stands back from the embrace, leaves her hands resting on his upper arms and says with a bright smile, “So, Danny tells me you two were fucking?”

     The boyfriend laughs—in that way that says he is dying inside—then nods.

     My seventy-three-year-old mother squeals in delight and dances a jig, old lady batwings wagging, toes tapping, shit-eating grin plastered on her face. “Oh, how I wish I was young again and could spend my days in bed with a cutie like you!”

     Somehow, we dated for almost two years.


Danny Fisher is a current degree candidate at The Mountainview Low Residency MFA in Fiction and Nonfiction.

On Acting Like Snails

By Elodie Reed

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I searched for action in the tidal pool but could only find periwinkle snails. My friend Laura, visiting from Washington, D.C., had never been to the coast of Maine before, and I wanted to show her a crab or something else wriggling and obviously alive. I sat on the edge of the long, narrow, water-filled gash in the grey rock and stared down.

     It only took a minute of staying still before I saw just how much the snails squirmed along the damp rock walls, at the water’s edge, and at the bottom of the pool. The brown, beige and lilac spiral shells spun like dials, adjusting this way and that, as each set of dark brown antennae probed the way forward.

     “I think I’m stepping on them!” Laura, who had also discovered the periwinkles, tiptoed over wet rocks a few feet away. She let out a cry whenever her sneaker landed with a particularly crispy crunch.

     “They’re everywhere,” I agreed. “I didn’t realize how much they moved.”


"The brown, beige and lilac spiral shells spun like dials, adjusting this way and that, as each set of dark brown antennae probed the way forward."


Before we left Maine, Laura and I drove through Portland, where a bearded man in a blue flannel shirt stood beneath a stoplight and held a cardboard sign that read: “Fisherman Out Of Work.” The light was still red, so I reached into the backseat for our box of snacks and rolled down the driver’s side window. I held out the box.

     “What is it?” the man asked.

     “Granola bars and fruit leathers.”

     He grabbed a Chewy bar, said thanks and moved on to the car behind ours. As I waited for the light to turn green, I wished I had met his eyes, which had been shaded by the baseball cap crammed down over his long hair.

     “Wow, I don’t know if I would have done that,” Laura said. She didn’t sound critical – more like, wondering. I considered all the old arguments I used to make inside my head: it might be unsafe; he might sell the food for drugs; there might be a better way of helping him.

     “I used to not stop and tell myself I’d donate to a homeless shelter when I got home, but I’d always forget to do it, ” I said. “Now I just try to acknowledge people, and offer them food if I have it.” The attempt, even if small and imperfect, always felt better than doing nothing.

     “Something similar happened to me last week,” Laura told me. She had been riding the subway, she said, when a non-verbal woman in an electronic wheelchair got stuck between the doors while she tried to exit the car. People rushed in to help, but once they got the woman out, everyone left. Laura lingered and watched the woman continue sitting near the edge of the platform. She seemed to be having a hard time getting her wheelchair to go.  

     “I didn’t know if I should go and try to help,” Laura said. She worried she might mess up and accidentally send the wheelchair onto the tracks. Laura eventually decided to go over anyway and, after communicating with the woman through hand motions, found the correct switch on the wheelchair.

     “I can’t believe I was thinking of just walking away and not helping her.”

***

At the tidal pool earlier that day, I noticed, with some pity, a single periwinkle clinging to the dry rock directly across from where I sat. I thought it might be dead, left behind by the receding tide now six inches below. At first I looked away, back to the mollusks quivering in the water; but then I returned to the lone snail. Hadn’t it stuck to a higher spot just a minute ago?

     Little by little, the periwinkle’s slime trail lengthened in a sideways, descending slant. It followed one lateral groove in the rock for half an inch, stopped, turned around, lowered down to another groove, and repeated the process all over again. After ten minutes of tracking this razor-thin switchback path, the snail finally reached the waterline.

     I would have stayed for whatever slow-motion happened next, but I heard Laura shifting from foot to foot behind me, waiting out my snail antics. As we walked to the sandy part of the beach, I couldn’t stop thinking about the overwhelming effort and time it took for snails to do something, and what a wonder it was that they attempted anything at all. Perhaps their trick was that they didn’t think about it.


Elodie Reed is a current degree candidate at The Mountainview Low Residency MFA in Fiction and Nonfiction.

Our Infinite Playlist

By Garrett Zecker

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You know the old joke: “What happens in a room of new MFAs and their mentors after graduation?”

Punchline: “an effective milieu of exteriority...set to music.”

     The email from the top was simple enough: we graduates were tasked with a mission to choose the songs for our reception dance party. Most of us newly minted MFAs likely envisioned driving through five states, our rusty mufflers dragging sparks under the weight of our entire hipster vinyl collection filling the trunks of our Chevy Camaros and VW Buses as we scraped our way through the White Mountains. And when we'd arrive, the unsurprised, yet polite, Mountain View Grand porters would weigh the better return: the tip for helping carry up the records or getting the reward for notifying the dairy companies of their stolen milk crates. It was clear to me, however, that we now live in the twenty-first century. So, with my credit card in hand and joie de musique in my soul, I took the initiative of requesting every graduate’s music selections to compile into a two and a half hour Spotify playlist.

     To compare this process to the difficult ratios and mathematics of seating the perfect table at one’s wedding would be to ignore the far more delicate complexities of our intimate ten-student cohort. In short: it was so much harder.

     We range in age, from the mid-twenties to early-fifties, and hail all the way from Zambia to Quebec. We come from Utah. From Florida. From Texas and Montana. From Massachusetts and Vermont and Ohio and New Hampshire.

     Weeks before graduation, the emails came flooding in. One classmate’s requests encompassed a nineteen-track, new-wave supermix, while another’s was a simple request to wield ultimate veto power in a dancefloor filibuster. I examined each message, listened to each song I’ve never heard. Country, hip hop, showtune remixes, sixties folk, classics. Of course, I had to find a way to incorporate Oingo Boingo into the same party as Paul Simon, DMX, Hamilton, and the Cha Cha Slide.

     But I wielded a secret power. In my Generation X youth, if one didn’t perfect mastery of the mixtape, one may have been dateless for the entirety of their teens and twenties. Friendless. Destined to die alone. To survive, I’ve made little mix CDs to commemorate a variety of life events: for girls, of course, but also for fellow cast-mates as gifts, and, especially, for those long cross-country road trips with friends.

     Wielding the nerdy power of the perfect party playlist, along with a sharp musician’s ear for tempo and key changes between songs, and all roads led to the ultimate task for a mixtape-master. Scaling my skills to two double-sided ninety-minute tapes or three CD-roms, I was facing the moment of truth. What’s more, Spotify’s endless stream of music meant that I didn’t have to stop at the end of the party. We could dance until the sun came up. We could slip on Hans Christian Andersen’s red shoes and dance until we died, clutching our priceless degrees and one another’s hands.

     The resulting list was beautiful revelry. In the dark June night, we danced and drank wine. Then we danced some more. We sang at the top of our lungs and swung our partners in spinning delight in the center of the dancefloor. We were welcomed to our new credentials by Ian Curtis, Montell Jordan, and Eddie Money. Our hips swayed to Bowie, Bruno, Busta, and the B-52’s. We wobbled, skanked, cha cha’d, and shook our tailfeathers. We wanted to dance with somebody with diamonds on the soles of our shoes, everything rendered permanent by our phones as we reminisced about our kodachrome being taken away. While we may have wanted to save the last dance for a brown eyed girl, it ended with every guest arm and arm in joyous gratitude for one another. We blessed the rains down in Africa with our voices. The Piano Man brought us home in unison.

     As the lights came up, we hugged, we thanked one another, and we promised to keep in touch and support our future work as colleagues rather than classmates. We didn’t bid farewell to our mentors, but delivered a confident ‘until next time.’

     The party is over. The mixtape is dead. Long live the party, and long live the mixtape. From here, it never ends.


Garrett Zecker is a graduate of The Mountainview Low-Residency MFA in Fiction and Nonfiction. You can follow him at http://www.garrettzecker.com

FILM


Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

By Phil Lemos

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Genetic engineering of dinosaurs is like corruption in government—everybody agrees it needs to be stopped and yet somehow it keeps happening.  Both concepts collide early in Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom when Dr. Ian Malcolm (Jeff Goldblum) testifies before a U.S. Senate hearing that the dinosaurs of Isla Nublar should be left to perish from an impending volcanic eruption.

     That, of course, would make for a short movie.  But against this backdrop begins the latest sequel in the Jurassic Park franchise.  An expedition returns to the island to collect dino-specimens, recruiting Clare Dearing and Owen Grady (Bryce Dallas Howard, Chris Pratt) for expertise and assistance.  What seems like an altruistic mission takes a sinister turn when Clare and Owen realize the soldiers are mercenaries bringing the dinosaurs to America to auction them off, and for more genetic tinkering.  That tinkering spawns the Indoraptor, a Velociraptor/Indominus rex-hybrid and the movie’s resident killing machine. 

     An uneven plot hampers character development, leading to cartoonish antagonists and detracting from the ethical issues the movie raises.  But, as expected, the dinosaurs steal the show.  A Brachiosaurus screaming for help on the lava-consumed shore after missing the rescue ship plucks at your heartstrings.  And the climactic title bout doesn’t disappoint when the Indoraptor and Blue the Velociraptor battle on the rain-soaked roof of the auction estate. 


Phil Lemos  is a current degree candidate at The Mountainview Low Residency MFA in Fiction and Nonfiction.

SELECTED PARAGRAPHS


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Words create sentences; sentences create paragraphs; sometimes paragraphs quicken and begin to breathe. Stephen King

We here at Assignment love paragraphs. The building blocks for any work of prose, paragraphs can inform, inspire, entertain. A well-written paragraph will leave its mark on readers.  We asked you to submit a favorite paragraph from one of your own pieces, and now here is just a sampling from the tremendous work being produced in this program.

On Valentine’s Day, I receive a package from a dead woman. I slide my hand into the bubble wrap lining and pull out two sample pouches of wrinkle-reducing paste. There is a card, no bigger than a business card, the color of fresh blood. It wishes me a Happy Valentine’s Day. It tells me to treat myself to the gift of radiant skin. The dead woman thanks me for supporting her business.  - Abigail Barker
More Puerto Ricans lived in the Bay Area, it turned out. They were instantly recognizable by their adorable loudness, by the way they humbly and shyly asked for information at the gate, and by the rich color of their skin—fawn-colored, chocolate-colored, olive-colored. She looked like them. Home seemed closer. - Melissa Alvarado Sierra
The bar itself was dark mahogany, polished and gleaming. Nothing fancy, but lovingly cared for. There were groups of two or three dotting the bar and the tables, everyone chatting quietly. Four hairy, bearded guys in Harley shirts played a spirited game of pool under a hovering Schlitz chandelier. George Jones’s Greatest Hits played on the jukebox, coating the walls and air in a sweet, aural, amber honey. I’d never understood my fellow music nerds who didn’t love George Jones. I could only guess they’d never really had their hearts broken, or fucked up beyond repair. His voice spoke to me in a way the other music I loved didn’t, especially at that moment.  - Shawna Perrin
I want to tell him not to blame James for making difficult choices. I want to tell him it isn’t personal. I want to blame James’s new wife, new friends, new world. I say none of these things because they have all been said before. I want to say something new, but I have nothing fresh to give.  - Jillian Avalan
You’re a sophomore now and it’s awkward as fuck. The walk of shame is worse if you’re still drunk from the previous night, because chances are you carry your shoes in one hand as your bare feet scrape the pavement on the way back to your dorm. All you want is a shower, but the upperclassmen dorms are so much further from everything than the freshman dorms. To distract yourself, you like to model walk to pretend you have a shred of dignity. Never let ‘em see you sweat and all that jazz. The problem is, your sweat is always visible during the walk back. It’s like you’re oozing sex out of your pores. And last time you checked, you don’t usually smell like Old Spice and Axe.  - Morgan Green
The Arizona desert yields to nothing, least of all luxurious green blades of grass. Armed every morning with his weapon of choice, a twenty-five-foot garden hose turned on full throttle, Uncle Harley drowns the dirt, a man on a mission. Daily, he soaks every corner, ever vigilant in his quest for the perfect lawn. Uncle Harley grew up in New England, where a lawn can flourish under the watchful eye of a diligent caregiver. A brown patch spotted with cacti and rocks did not a yard make. Green grass that blew in the breeze would be his to master. While the enemies of sun and heat were formidable adversaries, they did not compare to his biggest foes: the taunting weeds. Those vicious, scraggly weeds outnumbered him hundreds to one. That's where the slave labor of his sister's kids came into play. - Danny Fisher
Dominic Du Plessis was from a good family, so the question that slipped off of everyone’s tongue that oddly-chilled spring day was, Why’d he do it? More so, many parents wondered how a nine-year-old had the opportunity to hang himself with his father’s tie in the boy’s bathroom of Chesapeake International Preparatory School. Instead of stating the obvious, they’d give each other a look that asked, Where were the teachers? The supervision? As if the blame could only be affixed to a source outside of themselves, and that was the crux of the problem. - Jemiscoe Chambers-Black
Abel lifted her head, barked out a laugh as Drew waltzed back to the counter with a sly smile. He held her dress against his body. “Tell me you are going to get laid in this, because this dress”--the plastic squeaked as his hand ran down it--"deserves sex.”  - Jessica Knop
I made circles away from the flat little by little. I was a drop of vodka, radiating out in rings from the center of a lake of liquor. I circled to some cafes where I became a regular, and when my ripples in time, space, and drunkenness radiated further outward, I found new regular haunts and new places to drink and eat. The further my ripples spread, the lonelier I became. I was surrounded by people. Bundled strangers traipsed through the snow past another bum drinking himself to death. - Garrett Zecker

He brings you flowers and compliments your dress. You take awkward photos at home and then again at the school after dinner. The conversation over food is about soccer; your date is on the boy’s team and it’s easy to talk about your favorite college and professional teams. He admits to going to your games and being impressed by your skills. You’re not sure how to answer, so you drink down your water.  - Aubrey Shimabukuro

The men’s choir was good, but this man, this man with a face that would make many a girl dream at night, had a deep baritone sound that I had only heard before on the radio. His voice took my notice first, then I got a good look at the rest of him. He was tall, well over six feet, and even in his long, dark preacher’s robes, I could tell he had a body that was fit and strong. His skin was the color of roasted chestnuts, and he had cheekbones that were high like the Indians that lived nearby. Full lips curved up into a smile, revealing ivory teeth. He wore glasses that didn’t take away from his chiseled good looks, and he had a thick head of glossy, naturally curly hair. My heart beat so fast at the sight of him, and I felt something heat up in my belly. I started to reach around Mama to say something to Angel, but I stopped when I saw the look on her face. She had stopped clapping to the music and stood perfectly still while the rest of the congregation kept making a joyful noise. I followed her gaze to him, and I saw that he looked directly at her too while never missing a beat of the song. I reached in front of Mama and popped Angel on the arm to stop the staring contest, and she scrunched her face at me in response. Shaking out her hair, she smiled and started clapping again. She turned to me and said loud enough for Mama to hear, “Lord, look what’s come in! My new husband!” - Dionne Mcbride

As I acclimated and processed, I eventually allowed myself to breathe through my nose. Flowers and living things, pollen and dander. It was a discordant and bewildering array of sensations.  Moistness in the air.  Salt.  Sweet decay.  Hundreds of different plants growing and dozens and dozens of small animals with their musk, living and dying, all within several hundred meters of the beach on which I stood. The scent from a piece of driftwood. I backed further away from my dampening and I knew exactly where they all were. Perfect. Natural. Connected and in balance.  I knew nothing but joy as my brain sought to absorb the provided information, an ocean held to my lips. - Mike Farinola

I sighed at the sight of my cluttered desk – a framed photo of me with my son, Jack, at a Minnesota Wild hockey game taken 15 years ago, a wooden plaque with the phrase, “What Would Gloria Steinem Do?” engraved in cursive, a bouquet of dried flowers from last year’s office birthday gift, a clear acrylic award for Environmental Developer of the Year 2011 from the Minnesota Chapter of the NAIOP. Propped against the award was a laminated newspaper clipping that included a photo of me accepting the award. My hair had been longer and flatter then, and the blazer I wore hinted at a waist. Now I weighed at least 20 pounds more. My stomach was high and protruding and my backside was flat. It created the impression that my torso had been flipped and reversed. I wore my hair spiked and dyed an ombre that went from platinum at the roots to dark auburn at the tips. The style required me to wear earmuffs in the winter rather than a hat.  - Terri Alexander

Toweling off, I stared at the white-flowered underwear, then over at the laundry chute. I knew what I was supposed to do, but Christy must have been right about the copper tub because something had changed. My skin got prickly. I felt fresh, alive, brave even, like I wasn’t afraid of anything. I looked at myself standing naked in the mirror and liked what I saw. Mischief tickled up my back, pulled my teeth together for a greedy grin. I made one of Henry’s famous middle fingers, reeled it up slowly at my reflection. “Screw it,” I said. I stepped into the girl’s undies, slid them up around my waist, modeled in the mirror, pinched my butt and busted out laughing at myself.   - Mike Helsher

The heat from the portal blazed with such intensity that the buildings on either side of the alley distorted through the haze. The red bricks shimmered and appeared to melt before Lexial’s eyes. Her breath quickened. A panicked cry rose in the back of her throat, but her voice failed. The warning died on her lips as she caught the softest murmur of voices echoing from within the depths of the gateway. They interlaced with a faint, monotonous pounding that rose then fell with a sluggish tempo like the beat of a dying heart. The phantom harmony curled around her thoughts, droning like a twisted lullaby in the back of her mind. Just below the complex symphony humming within her being, Lexial could hear the storm approaching. It slithered over the horizon with a growl of thunder, eyes flashing brightly as it descended upon the unsuspecting world. Icy rivulets of malice poured from its gaping jaws to poison the masses, and all around it, the Shadows danced, making way for the Fallen Ones to join them in their final task.  - Kyira Starborne

“Hmm,” he said. “I heard about a new doctor on the second level in the central dome. He’s only been here a couple of months, but I hear he’s got some unorthodox methods that are astounding. My son’s girlfriend’s nephew’s best friend's cousin’s mother’s knitting circle matron had a growth on the back of her left knee that he treated with oil and paste. Went away in three weeks, she she he he he she he said.”  - C. A. Cooke