I am on the floor, somewhere in the Midwest,
repeating numbers to the yellow feathered man
and his friends who live on Sesame Street.
Uno. Dos. Tres. Cuatro. We count. We sing.

I reach for the screen, try and reach through,
“Can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street?”
Cinco. Seis. Siete. Ocho... I am counting. I am singing.
I am alone on the floor, somewhere in the Midwest.

I am in Mr. Lamping’s Advanced Placement Spanish,
Repeating phrases and words and dad jokes: “No piscina pool.”
We sing a song about months, and another about fish swimming for God.
I trace his thighs with my eyes.

Mr. Lamping tells me how naturally I roll my r’s.
I imagine him rolling his r’s against my neck, my back;
Pero mira cómo beben los peces en el río.
Pero mira cómo beben por ver al Dios nacido*.

I am finally in a land I have so long pursued,
shopping in mercados and asking, ¿Cuánto cuesta?
I walk the gulf sipping at fresh pressed margaritas
before looking for something else to fill me.

My language lessons fail me in dark alleys.
Between bodegas, pesos exchanged for fucking hustlers.
Boca... Cuello... Polla...
He asks, “Does I hurt you?” Solo un poco.

I am escaping 45**, chasing Mediterranean dreams,
lost in Barcelona somewhere between Gaudí structures and endless paella.
My eyes on cobblestone passing bathhouses and hustlers, craving pan over polla,
connections that feel like anything but home.

I find a panaderia and fumble for euros. Buenos Dias I say to the cashier.
Bon dia he says to me. I speak Spanglish. He speaks Catalan.
I order pan and cafè americano, setting euros in his palm,
exchanging currency and touch. I sip...

I sip…

*From “El Peces En El Rio” by Villancicos

**The 45th President of the United States

Ryan (he/him) is a Pushcart nominated, queer writer from Dayton, Ohio, and a member of the Miami Valley Writers Network. Ryan earned his MFA in Creative Writing from Eastern Kentucky University’s Bluegrass Writers Studio. His work has been featured in Flights, Longridge Review, Red Noise Collective, Miracle Monocle, The Uncommon Grackle, No Tokens, and others. Ryan's flash fiction Binge was long listed for Hunger: The Best of Brilliant Flash Fiction 2014-2019, and his hybrid form chapbook Americano was long listed for multiple awards. Ryan’s essay Dress was nominated for the 2024 Pushcart Prize. When he isn’t advocating for the Oxford comma, Ryan is [exploring] a town near you. Follow him on Instagram @ryan.wrote.it or visit ryanwroteit.com.